People tells me "If you want to do it, do it now before you have to chance to regret it". And now I'm stuck.
I'm currently studying in engineering field which I purely join because I'm good at maths. But I have no interest in whatsoever in anything about electronics. Which is a big problem, cause you can't expect to study engineering field without studying electronics right?? It's only the second trimester of my first year of degree.
My results are not too shabby so far, but I don't feel like I've achieve much actually. Cause I have no idea what I'm studying. Should the students be this oblivion to what they are learning until they graduate? Or should they take actions and pursue other courses that they would find more meaning to it?


I'm now stuck in this situation. I'm thinking of changing my faculty. If I do make my decision to change, I would have already wasted my time and money on my previous trimesters. Plus, I wouldn't be sure if I would be SATISFIED if I DID change it. What if it's worse than my previous choice??? What if I can't cope if I didn't change my course and stay on it?? Will I change then?? But wouldn't it be wasting MORE money??????? #$%&@#$%@^@$


Some people even said, it's doesn't matter which course we take cause eventually, it will going to morph us into who we really are in the future. We find out what we dislike and what we like in that process. We have more knowledge by pursuing the courses we choose.
I don't really get what that means but... *sigh*
I feel like I'm giving a big burden to my mum right now. *BIG sigh*


My biggest problem I find within myself is... I'm not sure of what I want. And I'm afraid to make changes, cause I don't like to deal with them. I don't know. Life is meaningless to me, because I don't have a goal nor a dream. I just go with whatever when somebody throw something at me. When I'm faced with a problem and I have to make a decision, I ask my friends, and then I follow what they choose. I don't have my own will. I'm useless. I don't like difficulties. I don't like stress. I don't like to choose. But that doesn't mean I can do that. I'm so childish I know. I can't seem to grow up. I'm like in a static position when everyone else is already running somewhere.


Don't just go to university for for the sake of it?
My ass. If only we got a choice.
Ask the students whether is there any reason they choose what they choose, most of them probably gonna answer "I don't really know why."
I ask my friends why they choose what they choose, and they said they didn't have much of a choice either. One said, interest can be build. Some said it's the "safest" road. Some regretted their choices. Some are finding their own ways to do other stuffs. Some just said "Just go with the flow".
And I still remember the time when we were in primary or secondary school. They had this section which we had to write 3 ambitions we had in mind. And the typical answers would be "Teacher, Doctor, Lawyer". And did everybody stick to that decision? No.
Study by the book every night and day.
Masuk Uni pun sama je.
To hell with it.


In the end of this post,
I decided to just stick with my choice and not think of changing again.
Even if I did, I'm sure I'll just get back into position. Again and again.

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