Green eyed monster

You don't want to mess with it.



The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.  -William Penn

I know I envy people. But it didn't know I could manifest a whole bunch of this negative energy inside myself until my mind subconsciously tells me that I am seriously very very very jealous of something/someone.

Today, I woke up because of a nightmare I had. I realized that I have a really big problem dealing with envy. (I can't really remember every part of the dream, only some vague part of it) There is these two people, a male and a female, who is always side by side, always talking, always laughing and sharing good times with each other. They are very close to each other. And I'm standing up on a balcony watching them enjoying themselves. Frankly, it was a sore sight to me. As I couldn't take it, I waved at them to try to get some attention. A part of me wants to break them apart. Badly. I felt ignored. Seriously, ignored. I'm heard or seen, but there wasn't any positive responses. Finally, I couldn't take it, I feel like running away from that place. I ran down the stairs, and halfway, I saw one of them climbing up. I yelled "I hate you" and I stomped angrily into my room, then locked myself in.

Somehow, they made it into my locked room. I'm sitting at the sofa, trying my very best to avoid eye contact with them. I even blocked my view with a pillow. The female tried to talked to me and even offered me some tea. I rejected her offer. I felt sick being around the two of them so I ran out of the room and out of the building. As I ran out of the house, I saw them sitting at the balcony, where I used to stand staring at them, and they were again having a jolly good time, as if they were continuing what they were doing before my "intrusion".

I felt disappointed. I felt lonely. I felt out of place. I felt like I was a nuisance, that I was actually ruining their moments together. Most of all, I felt unwanted. I was hoping one of them would maybe chase and stop me from leaving, but that didn't happen. Well, actually I was hoping for the specific one of them to do that. Not both of them, but only that one person.

The weirdest and wackiest part was this. The scene. We were in a wooden beach-house. There were sands and all. After I saw them at the balcony, I decided to hide back under it to avoid them from seeing the pathetic me throwing a horrible tantrum. (It was pride, okaaaaaaay?) Suddenly, I noticed that there was this one old man sitting at a rocking chair smiling at me. Automatically, I smiled back at him. Then, I saw weird dogs surrounding the house. Some were pups. I tried to pet one of the dogs, but it stood up (humanly) when I poked it's face and then I realize, they were natives in dog disguise. They told that the pups were real though and not native kids in disguise. [pokerface] But the pup quickly became an angry midget trying to throw tennis balls at everyone when I tried to pet it.

What the fuck moment please. 

I woke up when the pup was trying to throw tennis balls at me. I'm like...... dazed. 
Then I couldn't sleep back. Tried to but couldn't.
It was 7.30am in the morning when I woke up. 8am when I really got up and went to brush my teeth.
The green eyed monster has made me suffer today. With a bizarre sense of humor.

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