Having a lot of late night thoughts regarding this topic in particular. Mostly because I'm still reflecting on recent happenings. I wrote it in Japanese so that it's not that cheesy.... I mean, I'm not some fifth grader anymore but it's always an area that I do not excel in.
It's just that.. recently I realize.. I'm just focusing on really depressing area and ignoring the people that I should treat better. It just felt like shit, you know, when you treat somebody nice, just so you expect the same thing from them but they don't really care, they only think about their own interest. While on the other hand, there are people who cares and worries about me, and I shun from them. What kind of sick world is this?
I'm also really caught up with this one "drama" that happened recently. I realize I am always sharing this story when I got the chance just so I can justify my action and get really upset about it. Truth to be told, I am still kind of caught up with it. I'm writing this here on my blog, and I promise myself I will just let things go after this. I've been replaying the whole scenario in my head a lot. It's been bothering me so much. You can be friends for a long time but that does not mean that everything is going to stay the same for all times. People change, our environment changes, our thinking and even our characteristics change but it does not justify that people should befriend me just because "I'm just like the old me" or get angry at me because "I'm not like the old me". I have come to a conclusion to just lessen down the negative interactions. Why waste so much negative energy on somebody who doesn't even look at the current you as you are? Honestly, I can't brain myself some times.
I only realize this much too late. I want to just say goodbye to those "friends" that only think of themselves and not other people.
I should learn to say no and let it be. I won't waste my energy making some silly reasons to justify my unavailability.
And I do not understand myself, to try so hard just so that somebody who doesn't even respect me to like me. Like I'm trying so hard to impress them or interact with them. But in the end, I get "I'll hang out with you just because I have nothing to do" vibe. When we're out, they just occupy themselves with their phone. This is the worst, I mean there isn't even any trace of respect. I'm not even sure what the other person is thinking. Man, I don't even understand what I AM thinking, to even waste my energy with these kind of people. I'm gonna treat myself better, and just return the favor. Please Joey, no more. Just use that time and energy some where else.
Then there's these neutral friends. They can be a fun bunch to hang out together but you can't really rely on them too much. I don't have any problems with that but I was so bothered last time too. But now I learnt to just accept that this is reality. Other people have their own circle of friends too that they rather be with. They don't owe me anything.
Lastly, those friends that I should have treat better because they should be. Not that they are much to begin with. If I keep up my ignorance, well, I'm gonna have none in the future. I know I am always focusing on the negative side of things, but I have not completely forgotten the good friends that I have met in my life. Just that, my brain pushes them aside. I'll learn to look at the better picture.
I am going to sound cheesy again, but there's always this saying, "you can't clap with just one hand", I think it applies in this case as well.
