Perfection in imperfections

*Suddenly, a strong desire possessed Joey to write down this inspiring piece* 

Okay, nein

I've had this nagging feeling to try to explain everyone this one thing. For those of you who do not really know me, maybe you are a junior of mine, my ex-course mates or someone who I am acquainted to for awhile. 

I am not perfect

Whatever image you might have for me, it might just be a big faux idea that you have fixated upon me. You know that feeling when you are receiving compliments but in actuality, you don't even know what the hell you are really doing most of the time. But you still say "thank you", smile and feel good about yourself later on. 
Well, that is what I feel most of the time. 

I am not trying to show off or anything but... it might seem that way.. Some how.. bleh... but look at it at a different perspective. I get annoyed when people compliment me and adds a little "I wish I was a bit more like you" in the end. Hello, f*ck off and live your own life. Okay no, that was too mean. But you know what I mean. Hopefully.

When people tell me "You are so smart, I wish I am as smart as you". Why do you wish you are like me? I mean.. Okay, I am only good at some things, but that doesn't mean I am good at everything. I wish people would just be happy with themselves for a change instead of comparing someone else's Chapter 20 to their Chapter 3. *quoted from some where* Did you know, when I was in middle school, I flunked my history, geography, and biology paper? But somehow, I survived! My history teacher couldn't take it anymore because I was the only one failing in class and asked me to talked to her personally. But she was not angry with me, she was concerned... because it would reflect poorly on her assessment. LOL. But in the end, I passed my History subject in my SPM. Don't know how but I think there was a lot of memorizing done. I didn't sign up for Geography for my SPM and I also dropped Biology class halfway through my education. Not many people dare to drop subjects but I was one of them to do so. Why did I do that? Why would I try to learn something that doesn't interest me and that I know I won't be good at??? 
If you are Asian, you definitely know how the Asian family works things out. I've had those experience before. I had to memorize the multiplication table and recite it to my aunt and grandma (father's side) when I was in junior school everyday. If I get one wrongly, *WHACK*... When living with my dad, I had to open the door of my room wide enough to show my dad that I am studying. Even when I was faking it. That really didn't help much. You can't really force someone to do something. When I gained bad results from school, again comes *KABAAM*. My dad was more hardcore okay, since he works with vehicle number plates, he uses those to smack my ass. Then secretly I wore more undies to lessen the damage. LOL. 
And you know what? Even with all those whacking, I was actually doing worse each year. Then I had a change of environment. I moved to my other grandma's house (my mother's side). She was more forgiving and she just let us do what me and my brother wants to do. No more beating, nobody cares what I was doing, nobody was giving me lectures when I was not studying at home. I was happier. And then I became more interested in learning and then I did better at what I like. In the end, all works out fine. I am here right now because I was genuinely interested in what I was studying (programming and solving things) and I pursued it. Now, look at me, landed a job and currently my task is to think of a solution for real life problems with my programming knowledge. To have passion really is a blessing. 

Speaking about passion, as you can see I really like blogging and doing handicraft work (especially crocheting). I didn't make it big with my blog, but I was invited to some blogger events, met some bloggers along the way and get to eat free food some times. In the end, it wasn't for me. I was not hardcore enough to make it out there but at least I have tried and I know. I still blog as you can see! But for my own pleasure only and I am very happy doing just that. As for my crochet work, I did it with not the intention to make something out of it. I do it because I genuinely like to do it. I was making amigurumis for fun but I didn't know I was able to make some income out of it. Surprise surprise. At first of course sales wasn't so good and I got quite upset. But sooner or later, I realize that I don't really need to be upset. I am doing it because of my interest. It doesn't really matter if people are buying them or not. Money can intoxicated people some times. And now, I don't get orders but I am glad because I have more time to create new things!
As you can see, if we have passion then opportunity will come to us and then we also need to allow it to happen. Allowing it to happen is a very important step and most people tend to overlook this important action.

I also some times hear people telling me "You are so friendly and cheerful. I wish I was more like you.". Well.. if you knew how I was back then, you wouldn't say the same thing. I am not born this way, I tried to change myself to what I am now. I was so into emo things during middle school. I've gone through some short mini-depression period as well (and some times I still do, but it's rare). I used to be quiet, avoid gazes from everyone, walk with my head down, and I like being alone most of the time. I still like being alone actually. I always categorize myself as an introvert but of course introverts still need socialize! Slowly, I changed myself. First step was to hold my head up high. Then, smile to everyone I see. Greet strangers "Good morning" or "Hello".. I know this seems like a strange thing to do in Asian country, but try to be like this in your workplace or somewhere you always go to. I was doing this for awhile, and naturally, people felt more comfortable around me and even started conversation with me. So, I think doing this doesn't hurt anyone, it actually makes things better! Think about it, you make other people happier, and you yourself will be in a better mood. It's a win-win situation.

Honestly, some times it ticks me off to hear people comparing their lives to someone else's. I mean everyone has their own good and bad days. So, we should really stop comparing and just enjoy life as it is. Life is too short to be envious of others. If you want to be friendlier, well, try to be! Want to be more knowledgeable, well then do more studying! Always wanted to go to Japan, well why not now? Thought of pursuing your hobby? Well, you can always make time for it! There is no such thing as not enough time. You always have control of your life! It's a matter of how you plan things out. Don't give me that "I work overtime, I have no time left" reason, because you are the one who agreed to that job. Every little decision we make affects our lives. Not other people but us, ourselves.

So, when you try to compliment some one, try to be genuine and be happy for them. Look up to people who inspires you but do not ever look down on yourself.

If I am not making sense, it is cool. I am just typing down whatever that comes into my mind. It's all jumbled up thoughts. But I am finish with this. Time to shower and sleep. 

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